How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
