there was a trapeze. enough said
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
