dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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