I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
