last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
