There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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