I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
