'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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