Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
