How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
