Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
