My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
