I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
