I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The power of my boobs compel you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
