And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
