So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
