If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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