I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
handjob tips. give me some.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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