Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
