apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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