also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
