Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
