I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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