My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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