i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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