It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
