i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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