The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
