i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
