stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
