Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize