God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize