I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize