I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
