Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
