Jerry, you need to find god
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
