So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize