the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
