remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
