Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
