Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
