did you get engaged???
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
