she kept yelling 'call me bella'
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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