listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
