your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
