My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I looked at my own cervix.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
