my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
