whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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