I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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