And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
