if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
