Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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