What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
