I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
