happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
