I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
