so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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