So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Randomize
