Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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