mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize