That's intense
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
