Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Let's paint friendship bongs
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
