I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
