mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
