areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize