the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
